Step forward - anyone?

Yesterday after many months (many more than I'd like to admit)- I went to a gurudwara. The desire was there for long but action to fulfill the desire was missing. Going there with my six year old, whose visits are even more sporadic than mine, I wanted to explain to her all about sewa in other word altruism, one of the many things that Sikhism values. But what got me thinking was the idea that how many of us actually exhibit pro-social behavior when some one is in real need.

Recently the Ngee Ann Polytechnic students staged a "near abuse" social experiment where a couple (student volunteers) started a quarrel in the busy Orchard street, which got violent. The idea was to see how many chivalrous folks were out there somewhere who'd step in to protect the woman from being physically hurt. The sad part was that only 3 stepped in to intervene and that too only men. Of course one could blame the "Bystander effect", which in experiments done by prominent social psychologists - Darley and Latane, indicated that fewer people are likely to help in the presence of more bystanders.

But the point is - how can we esure that we do not lose an important part of humanity - altruism?

There are five components of altruistic personality that I'd read in social psychology...

First one is that of empathy - or being able to put oneself in others shoes. The ability to empathise is strongly related to having a secure attachment oneself. 

Second one is belief that the world is a "just" place - basically bad behaviour will get punished and good behavior will be rewarded.

Third is an internal locus of control - not being at the mercy of changing circumstances, luck, destiny etc.

Fourth is being low on ego centricism - not so self absorbed and competitive.

And lastly but an obvious one is the belief that "helping" is good - we should all do our best to help others.

I am so glad that my parents ensured that I'd go for kar sewa in our local gurudwara. I had no idea that by distributing the parshadas, washing dishes, placing shoes or giving out tokens - mostly fun at that age - I was learning such an important aspect of life. And its mostly when things are fun can we truely truely imbibe them - isnt it!

Towards building a more altruistic generation I still have a dilemna of how can I instill the lovely values in my child and yet ensure she is comfortable in the ever-so-competitive world! Truely a parents conundrum!

What can CNY do to me...

With the Chinese New Year down the corner, I did not realise that I'd be delving into it so much as I am doing now. You see the concept is new to me having stayed in India - the only one country I knew in detail before I moved to Singapore.

My knowledge of the Chinese year is limited. All I know is that I am born in the year of Tiger, my daughter in the year of monkey (she has many traits of one) and my husband a pig (now, now, lets not get to those traits...). I had no idea about the depth of traditions, the scale of preparations and the excitement that goes around CNY. Now I am living in the midst of one to get a real feel.

In the last one week, I have discovered some wonderful, some bizzare and some very macro repurcussions associated with the CNY. But most of all what I appreciate are the many similarities between the Chinese and the Indian cultures.

Firstly, its still a question being asked by many like me - when is Chinese New Year? And the reason for that is that it is never a fixed date and is ever changing, much like the Indian festival dates. This year the CNY falls on the 3rd Feb, marking the onset of the spring season like always. The crazy thing is that with the kind of downpour Singapore is experiencing it hardly could be anything but the midst of a monsoon season.

Secondly, much like the Diwali, CNY is also all about family. And its a tradition that every family gives its house spring cleaning. Cleaning sweeps away all the bad luck they say, and makes way for good fortune to flow in freely. Red is the color of the season - decorations, paintings, lanterns all adorn the private and public areas in bright red to ward off evil. Sounds familiar!!

2011 is the year of rabbit and is considered be very lucky, standing for new beginnings and arrivals. But the moot point here is that the Rabbit child is considered lucky (unlike a Tiger child) and the new year could have many couples extending their broods and there by addressing one of the top concerns of Singapore ie the falling birth rate. A total fertility rate of more than 2 is required to relace the population but for Singapore it has been declining and the latest no is at 1.23.

The Chinese New Year celebrations begin half a month prior to the actual new year and extend half a month beyond the new year. And a lot of money is exchanged in the economy and the beauty industry sees a fabulous spike too. Of the bizzare repurcussions of the CNY is the fact that if you need to do anything as mundane as visit a beauty salon, its advised that you book an appointment weeks if not a month in advance. Saloons are over-booked and if you are a new comer like me - you'd have to resort to desperate DIY methods to look presentable while the rest of them shine, all preened.

Have a happy new year all!